Thursday, September 30, 2010
Fun with Lunch-Time Conniption Fits
You may remember, dear readers, that display plates often find themselves at the center of gastronomical gaffes. I sometimes feel like the plate police, trying in vain to protect the food from theft or the aesthetics from ruin. I thought about getting a badge and a whistle.
During the winter slow period, a middle-aged man came to the cafe with his young son who was big enough to talk but small enough to sit comfortably on his father's shoulders. And this young boy was clearly daring, interested in exploring food not listed on the children's menu. Kudos to the lad and his father for encouraging adventurous eating. But the pressure of satisfying the child's appetites must must have been too much and I was the unwitting fool that provoked the father's wrath.
The cafe was empty one hour into our shortened lunch service. After surveying the menus, the father reached for the display plate and removed it from the folded soup cup lid that kept it at an angle. My first thought: Damn it! Another display plate caper! We can't keep losing these things! I did my best Carl Lewis impression, bounding over to the plate and firmly requested "Sir, please put the display plate back on the counter." And this is what transpired in raised voices:
Irrationally Angry Papa Bear (IAPB for short): You know what, David, it's not a big deal! What's the problem?
David: Sir, I simply would like you to replace the display plate. We ask that customers do not move it.
IAPB: You know, David, you have a lot of rules! A lot of rules! What exactly are you trying to protect?!
David: Well, I'm trying to protect my plate, sir.
IAPB now shouting: A lot of rules, David! He's five years old. How would you suggest he see the plate?
David: Might I suggest picking him up instead of the plate?
IAPB: BLLLAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH (and then his head spontaneously combusted, ruining my display plate after all)!
Okay, the last part didn't happen and it's a good thing too. I really didn't want to waste my time and product making another display plate.