This Week's Top Ten Most Head-Shaking Buffalo Chicken Moments

My work week is over and it's time for me to share my top ten most ridiculous, frustrating, or otherwise head-shaking comments (with a little bit of context when needed).

Number 10: "Wow, that chicken looks amazing" (looking at the display plate of our breaded veal entree, clearly labeled on the menu).

Number 9: A customer returns to the line to share a compliment after finishing his meal.  He says "That veal entree was the best tasting chicken I've ever had."

Number 8: A rather unpleasant man ordered a cup of soup and requested a plastic soup spoon so I sent him to our cashier. He returns and exclaims, "I have been coming here for over 15 years and always eat my soup with a plastic soup spoon. I am very disappointed!" My thought bubble: 15 years? Time to try speed dating.

Number 7: Courtesy of Toots, my disturbing stalker… I mean regular "Oh, I would love the entree but without the starch. I'm watching my figure and it makes me a little gassy."

Number 6: Customer to a friend "Hey look, they have pananis! Can you tell me what the daily panani is?"

Number 5: This one happens a lot but is not necessarily worthy of a full blog post. Whenever a customer orders a panini, I ask if s/he would like chips OR side salad. The frequent response, that happened four times today, is "Yes!"

Number 4: A customer asks for a freshly prepared salad from our salad bar. Here is what she requested with a helpful translation "Some of that mixed green stuff (mesclun mix), and some of the orange shreds (carrot), some mushrooms (they really were mushrooms, so kudos!), some of those nuts (actually chick peas or garbanzo beans - your choice), and the brown stuff (balsamic vinaigrette).

Number 3: In a nice change, the customer appeared to read the menu. She turned to me and asked "How do they cook the sauté vegetables?" My snarky response "Very carefully."

Number 2: Customer trying to make small talk says to me "You must love interacting with so many people!" My thought bubble: HAHAAAHAAAHAAA! I laugh so I won't cry.

Number 1: Customer asks another customer what she ordered. Her response "I ordered the quesadiller… I mean quesadill… I ordered the quesadillio."

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Yes, dear readers… a quesadillio. And no, dear readers, my customer was not P-Diddy. She was an older white woman who be the feature player in a future entry on the all too frequent mispronunciation of quesadilla. But for another day. Until then, have a wonderful weekend and please write in if you would like to share any similar experiences.

"Buffalo Chicken" Moments - Recipe for Foodie Faux Pas

My name is David -- you can read it on the name tag positioned strategically on my left elbow sleeve -- and I am the cafe line cook (a.k.a line attendant; a.k.a. glorified slop jockey) at a venue that will remain nameless to protect the reputations of the innocent and naive. This blog has been marinating for almost a year. Moment after moment, unbelievable and head-shakingly sad, it's time for me to share with the world the real stories of ordering ineptitude that dot my days.

Let's begin with the basics. Into every day of the food service professional must come frustrating exchanges with the people that make my paycheck possible... customers. Culinary professionals appreciate our patrons. Without them, no one would enjoy our food or give us a reason to show up for work and earn our modest wages. But let's be honest... many customers, for one reason or another, are painfully frustrating. Which leads us to the subject of this blog.

What is a "Buffalo Chicken" moment? A term of my creation, a buffalo chicken moment refers to an exchange with a customer that is so frustrating, so drenched in stupidity, that the food service professional is left with no choice but to roll one's eyes, shake one's head, or reach for the nearest blunt object that could inflict a concussion strong enough to forget the exchange but safe enough to prevent a call-in the following day. Let's be serious - sick days are hard to come by and we all need the money.

So why "Buffalo Chicken" you might ask? The name reaches back a whole week to an exchange with a customer that was so unbelievable, I hesitate to share it. At the beginning of a Wednesday shift, my first customer looked at the specials menu and read the description of our daily panini:

* Buffalo Chicken mixed with shredded carrots and bleu cheese*

The customer's face scrunched in disgust and horror. Through her shock, she exclaimed "I just can't do that. I mean, I like chicken... but buffalo? With chicken together? I just don't think I can eat buffalo." That's right, dear readers. This customer thought that buffalo chicken was buffalo meat and chicken served together with shredded carrots and bleu chese.

I wanted curl into a ball and weep. Instead, I handed her a ham sandwich and sent her along. This blog is a record of my buffalo chicken moments. Maybe you might share some of your own in the comments section. Enjoy!

(Picture borrowed from Wikipedia entry on Buffalo Chicken Wings: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buffalo_chicken which is a good read for anyone interested in the history of buffalo chicken sauce)